I know the feeling.

know the feeling. Trapped. Scared. Suffocated. Wishing you could close your eyes and wake up somewhere else. Wishing to be anywhere but there. With him. And his toxicity. Making you feel like you’re not good enough. Like you never were. Like you never will be. Like there’s something wrong with you. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. On some cosmic level that hasn’t even been named yet. Like you’re broken. Damaged. Irreparable. But still not willing to let you out of his grip. Holding even tighter. You feel like it’ll never end. You’ll never get away. Like you’re doomed to live this cycle forever and ever. A vast black hole of inadequacy and resentment. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Just the painful not knowing when the next time will be. Not being able to appreciate the short reprieve because you know the next time is not far behind. Too scared to make any sudden moves. Too scared to even think of a way out for fear that he will know. And next time will be worse. So you try not to think. You try to empty your mind. Try not to feel anything. Save your energy. Hope that someday you’ll be strong enough to walk away. Strong enough to save yourself. Strong enough to allow yourself to breathe again. Strong enough to think again. To cry again. To let yourself feel again. To give yourself permission to be ok. To heal. To love yourself enough to hold space for your grief. I know the feeling. I recognize it in others. And it breaks my heart to know I can’t save them. I can’t rescue them. I can only love them. I can love them and hope that love is enough.

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