Someday…

Someday I’m going to stop settling. I’m going to stop sacrificing what I want or need to make others happy. I’m going to be very clear about what I want and I’m not going to accept a drop less. I’m going to put me first. I’m going to love myself fiercely and set an example for anyone who wants to be in my life. I’m going to love myself unconditionally. I’m going to stop softening my edges to fit through round holes and just accept the fact that I’m a square peg.

I’ve been calling it compromise or selflessness or taking care of others. Those are good things, right? I’m a nice person. I put others first. I’m a lover not a fighter. Whatever I choose to call it. But, at the end of the day, I still end up feeling like I give and give and give without question but feel guilty for asking to get my basic needs met. I’m a perpetual people pleaser. I thought I was healing but all I’ve really done is expanded my vocabulary to continue to do the same things but convince myself that it’s different because I call it by another name. Maybe I missed my calling in political speech writing…

The silver lining is that it’s an opportunity to grow and learn and continue to strive towards a better version of me. A fiercely self-loving square peg. Someday.

 

 

 

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